There is a saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me". This is flawed because the words we say can affect how someone feels about themselves.
We're social animals - feeling socially excluded triggers our stress response. We feel unsafe. In this affected state, our brain is dominated by cortisol and fight or flight survival processes that make us defensive. If you've ever felt singled out in a ‘friendly’ game of monopoly, you'll know the feeling.
There are many ways that we can improve our relationships with people around us through better communication, and adopting an inclusive language approach is a really good place to start.
Inclusive and exclusive language is when somebody includes or excludes somebody else through the words that they use. The word "inclusive" means to include, and this is exactly what inclusive language is. It is when you say positive things to someone so that they feel valued and accepted, whether in a group or society.
However, exclusive language is the complete opposite. It involves somebody speaking words that "exclude" someone and makes them feel rejected, not valued, and outcast from a group or society. Using exclusive language can alienate people and make them feel inferior. In fact, the hurt we experience with exclusion is almost physical - in our brain it activates the same pain regions as being slapped would. Yet often, we commit this hurt through our use of language, especially at work. Also, exclusive language doesn't just hurt those who feel excluded. It impacts everyone.
Now, no one gets out of bed to be a bad person, but when I start to unpick my own use of inclusive/exclusive language, I realise how many bad habits I have. The phrase “Hey guys” or “You guys” whilst harmless in its intent, alienates 83% of my team. We can be one of the team' or 'one of the guys', yet only one is inclusive for all people.
Today is International Women's Day. On this day in 1911 more than a million people rallied for inclusion across Europe. A lot of positive change has happened in the 110 years since, but it’s time we all adopted inclusive language at home and work.
What is inclusive language?
Using inclusive language means avoiding labels, slang, and expressions that discriminate against groups of people based on their race, gender, sexuality, or other identifying factors. Inclusive language is the language that doesn't discriminate or identify a particular type of person. It includes all people equally.
Why adopt inclusive language?
Inclusive language allows people to bring their whole selves to work. It fosters belonging and has proven benefits to culture, performance, and relationships. We know from research that inclusive cultures are high-performing, with better workplace performance and productivity. It's because inclusive language has the power to:
Improve our sense of belonging, which can lead to greater retention rates and even higher customer satisfaction
Create psychological safety, which impacts performance at work.
Promote diversity and inclusion to improve retention
Changing language
Adopting inclusive language starts with awareness. You could start by writing a list of the most common exclusive terms, phrases, and expressions in your environment. Make a mental note to avoid these and catch yourself using them. Deliberately practice alternatives in your everyday conversations. Here's a short list:
Guys → Folks
Confusing acronyms → simple terms
Implying gender-specific partners (boyfriend/husband for women, girlfriend/wife for men) → partner, spouse
Manpower/ man-hours/ man the … → people power, work hours
Assuming a certain role is male (eg. Policeman) → they
With others, you can lead by example to change the norms in your team, your home or your workplace. Start by demonstrating how to use inclusive language. Make an effort to use inclusive alternatives in front of others. Highlight any use of exclusive language and offer a more inclusive alternative. Be a beacon of inclusive language that others can follow.
Easier said than done
Replacing exclusive language with inclusive language is hard. It often requires fighting ingrained habits, norms, and unconscious biases. Some exclusive language can be so ubiquitous it feels second nature. How many meetings open with "hey guys"?
To change, we all need to make this conscious choice. To deliberately use inclusive language in meetings, greetings, conversations, and all our communications. It's about asking yourself if what you're communicating is inclusive for everyone.
After all, don't we all deserve to be included?
Ps: If want better communication in your team or workplace, reach out and talk to us about it: hello@relatehr.com.au